Wednesday 24th March 2010

observations, scientific and otherwise

it's been seven hours and fifteen five days since she took her love car away. long enough for me to compile an ordered list, of things, just in time for her to come home to.

  1. she claims the covers end up on my side of the bed in the morning because i pull them that way in the night. i claim it's because she rolls exclusively to her left (toward me) all night, converting her own rotational energy into linear motion of the covers. in these last five nights that i've had the bed to myself, the comforter has mysteriously remained perfectly centered, without having to pull the frakking thing four feet back over to her side every morning.
  2. by the narrow definition of the word, i have no actual proof that fast food eaten in a girl's presence tastes better than fast food eaten not in a girl's presence, but i have some anecdotal evidence to that effect.
  3. sometimes, fast food eaten not in a girl's presence does not taste as good as fast food not eaten.

    by the way. 'froots?' i seem to have a vague memory of these 'froots,' and their odd-sounding cousins the 'vej tubbles.' will you please tell me more?

  4. the freedom to leave the seat up is a pretty minor one. i cite the fact it's a well established habit for me to put it down each time, cover and all; leaving it up requires conscious effort and just leaves me acutely aware of the act's underlying emptiness.
  5. bulldog kisses are a damn poor substitute for wife kisses.
  6. pulling on yesterday's socks is way easier than going downstairs and collecting the clean laundry.
  7. cynical schadenfreude is most satisfying when it has the opportunity to annoy someone.
  8. measured in terms of wakefulness, appetite, and leg-jumps per hour, the dog is less happy when chelsey is gone.
  9. measured in terms of wakefulness, appetite, and leg-jumps per hour, the boy is less happy when chelsey is gone.

girls, you just don't know the power you have over boys. if you do know it then you are evil geniuses. evil, pretty geniuses. we just don't stand a chance.

posted by mAtt @ 15.58 (gmt+0000)
to /happiness

Thursday 19th November 2009

these are the things that are broken

ordered list, i choose you:

  1. the car thing that's supposed to save the world. you see, those awesome batteries occasionally die. and apparently they're awesomely expensive. but i have some good news! i just paid a bunch of money to someone to basically let me keep using what i had already paid for.
  2. the iphone. though at&t doesn't know it's an iphone, and that's kind of at the root of the problem. in order to avoid allowing them to ream you on the data plan you have to perform some digital magic, among other steps. but this magic has certain side effects, including people can't call you. ask your doctor if ultrasn0w is right for you—i should have.
  3. the roof. it has holes. in it.
  4. the stereo of my other vehicle. a long time ago i turned the ignition in my truck a certain number of clicks so i could listen to the radio or whatever, but went one click too far, and then back a click, all in rapid succession, and this let the magic smoke out of the shiny lights of the faceplate. and magic smoke, as any scientist will tell you, is hard to put back in a device after it has escaped.
  5. the nail of my left index finger. and now every time i use it it's like the terrorists won their war against the kittens.
  6. the dog. i've made clear my thoughts on the matter of sub-sentient life forms. they exude smelly substances and totally ignorant of this fact. they whine for attention. and not one of them has a job.
  7. the internet. will eventually become skynet.
  8. my liver. and i have the other items in this list to blame.

posted by mAtt @ 20.15 (gmt+0000)
to /humans/unhappiness

Thursday 28th May 2009

blog bless the greeks

let this serve as an opening bookend to what will inevitably be several posts about the effing greece trip.

it is time for an unordered noun list.

  • greek food!
  • greek food. i mean, seriously
  • ouzo?!
  • inbred kittehs
  • long hikes and almost-sunburns
  • siestas
  • ingenious monks
  • culture, and history and stuff
  • a healthy dose of perspective

ahem. w.r.t. this last. the world is enormous, beautiful, and full of everything. i just can't even begin to explain the immensity of what i feel. it's like this: take the biggest deepest breath you can, force the air in till your lungs hurt from it, and then in your utter engorgement imagine how much air there is left in the sky. the most you can contain is nearly enough to rupture you, and yet is absolutely nothing.

more soon.

posted by mAtt @ 17.58 (gmt+0000)
to /happiness

Monday 26th January 2009

things like these are why they invented the internet

oh so many joyous things sent my way:

firstly: obama with guns and lightsaber, from ted. this is the change i can believe in. also the change that can kill me silently in my sleep.

secondly: a perfect example of the male mind's filter, from walter.

thirdly: the one ring claims another victim.

also. i'm getting over a cold. at least i think that's what it was. i mean, if you feel sick in the morning, but fine for the rest of the day, that might mean you're pregnant, right? OMG LOL

posted by mAtt @ 19.18 (gmt+0000)
to /happiness/humans/internet

Tuesday 31st July 2007

the beautifulest things

in my head, almost daily, i go on these little trips. how i get there i don't know, but each trip is always beautiful and always ends at one of the following.

i urge you to read at least a couple of these. true: i will never know whether you did, but i will sleep easier knowing i asked.

the mandelbrot set
when we finally isolate the higgs boson, we will smash it apart and julia will emerge and open her eyes.

kolmogorov complexity
and not just because it links to the mandelbrot set.

the lorenz attractor
credo, sine ratione, reality is fractal. there is no smallest grain.

these little guys are all tangled up with my thoughts of the grand unification theory. it's out there, and it will extract a terrible price, you mark my words.

hyperbolic geometry
what a difference one little axiom makes: the universe (at one extreme) ends in fire, or (at the other) in ice, or (at the lack of extreme) neither.

the normal distribution
every, repeat every field of knowledge can be seen better when cast in the warm light of the bell curve.

euler's identity
cthulhu fhtagn euler—it is the source of his power.

the laplace transform
as the article says, these buggers will not only drastically reduce the time and effort required to solve the problem, but will fundamentally change the way you think about the problem.

turing machines
reductionism! reductionism! reductionism! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU

the unary magic square
and, of course, it works with arbitrarily lonely values of one.

i saved the best for last. this is basically the holy grail of the mathematical universe. (i'm a simple guy, and i don't say that with pretense.)

p.s. happy birthday, harry.

posted by mAtt @ 21.08 (gmt+0000)
to /geek/happiness/insoluble

Wednesday 8th November 2006

my ideal government structure

first, start with the government structure we (in the united states) have. it has its kinks and inefficiencies, but it basically works. then fill it with the following:

in the house of representatives, centrists. communists and fascists strictly verboten.

in the senate, leftists. i'll stop short of saying downright baby-eating marxists but part of me wants to.

in the courts (especially the supreme court), conservatives all the way. i hate the phrase 'strict constructionist' but the shoe fits.

for president, someone who is simultaneously 1. not affiliated with either party of the current two-party system, 2. ideologically libertarian, 3. economically conservative, 4. socially progressive, 5. an actual scientist, and 6. neutral good in the i-roll-twenties etymology (which naturally eliminates any sith lords—huzzah!).

an independent and unmolested media armed with the much-hyped shield law.

and finally, for every single state and local office in the entire nation, from governor to county comptroller, this guy. (though as a condition of his holding office, he must uphold his election-season promise to frickin' blog more, yo.)

elections are instant runoff and are fewer and farther between, with single-term limits at every level.

there is, of course, always more, but this is the gist. in my head this guarantees that the government itself finds the balance between current and stable. pipe dream? oh yes, but a healthy one.

posted by mAtt @ 23.28 (gmt+0000)
to /insoluble/soapbox

Monday 3rd April 2006

comicon, comicoff

this weekend in seattle i went deeply into the red in both personal spending money and wife-points, gleefully spending both on some very silly things at the fourthennial emerald city comicon. i picked up some neat comic books—ahem, i'm sorry, graphic novels—loaded up on free schwag, saw the penny arcade guys, unloaded the free schwag into my car and went back to the free schwag table for more free schwag.

stale nerd sweat
six-person descent
finally being the least nerdy person in the crowd
artwork more powerful than you can possibly imagine
gabe cursing at tycho, in real time
actual jedi

food. as happens all too often on the road, i wound up with too much fast food in my belly. fried food is not food. it's like yoda says: chew or chew not; there is no fry.

posted by mAtt @ 21.42 (gmt+0000)
to /entertainment/geek/happiness/insoluble
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