and i quote (er, copy and paste):

"harry potter" disk error -ebay -amazon -ea -xbox -leaky -quotes -copying -ps2

whatever you were searching for, guy from tennessee, i doubt you'll ever, ever find it.


a long talk with my sister ended well when i pawned off a men's underwear catalogue that had no business in our house. reason insists that she will throw it away, but that's not the point. the point was in the fighting over the scantily clad men.

that's right, search engines, i did say SCANTILY CLAD MEN. and sister if i catch you reading this via a search engine, i'm telling mom.

p.s. BRITNEY SPEARS NAKED ONLINE POKER CïA|iS V!ÄGR@ !!!

life is hard, but life is harder when

1. you have a dream about a girl named morgan with whom you were once quite taken but have not spoken to in six years and she says to you 'hi, katrina' and you say to her 'hi, steve.'

2. you wake up sitting on the floor downstairs at 4 in the morning without knowing where you are or how you got there.

here's something creepy. do a google image search for gang-sines (the popular drew drawing), and the first result you will see is nothing unexpected.

that is, until you examine the url or click the link. it is this site, and I don't know why. not at all.

so to repeat the sentiments expressed so loudly in the title of this post, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE INTERNET? I'm serious here. this is creeping me out. google is supposed to be flawless and infallible, and they're not. in a really strange way.

(speaking of really strange: this is)


DREW only your wisdom can shine through these dark times, we require that you tell us just what in the hell is going on.

this is fun, in small doses. except for the annoying side effect that I'm now wide awake and buzzing with excitement when I ought not to be.

I vividly fear it'll be some time before I fall asleep again (that's no hallucination).

all things equal, a hallucination is better than reality because it isn't participatory. what a fine line I walk.

in a word, I'm a sucker. for so many things.

a pretty face, shiny hair, a well-shaped neck*. any combination of these will surely stop me in my tracks. there is nothing like a girl and I have no trouble admitting it.

speaking of which. I believe I was flirted with yesterday whilst driving on the highway. I passed a car containing two young ladies. my cruise control was on, so I was going a constant speed. very soon after, this same car passed me and the young lady in the passenger seat looked in my direction with a slight smile on her face. very soon after, the car slowed down dramatically. so I did the logical thing and passed them again. very soon after, they passed me again, and again I got the same sort of corner-of-the-eye-smiley-look. it was all very confusing and I don't know what to make of it. surely they couldn't have been interested in me?—and if they were, what did they expect me to do about it? jump to their vehicle from mine, travelling at over 70 mph? silly girls, I'm no secret agent man.

dreams of late have been disturbing. last night's involved three pals I have who currently reside in thailand. I know the tsunami didn't threaten them; they've contacted me since. but still the troubling dream. I wish I knew whether dreams were based on reality, or pseudo-random (as I tend to think). that's all I'd like to know. it would make waking up a bit easier, sometimes.

this post so far has been brought to you by my desire to come clean. why, and with whom, perhaps I shall never know.


a year ago today I saw a car commercial. it said: 'make no payments till 2004!' (you can't make this stuff up.)


p.s. drew is the world's last bastion of sanity


*or one of the beauties in the victoria's secret catalogue which of course I've never even looked at not even once

got a strange, heavily-stickered and -written upon package via post today:

containing:

1. a wireless network adapter for a laptop computer, and
2. a laptop computer.

not just any wireless network adapter for a laptop computer and laptop computer. a very, very special wireless network adapter for a laptop computer and laptop computer.

specifically the laptop computer I had sent to a right bastard somewhere across the atlantic* after I had sold it to him on ebay for the agreed-upon price of US$750.

he wanted me to use an escrow service (escrowtm.com—though they no longer exist so don't bother looking) that would, so he said, hold his money until he verified receipt of the computer, at which point they would send me the money. so I cheerfully sent the package off that morning. hatelife died that afternoon. I had friends over for my birthday party that evening. it was a very significant day in my life.

soon after, the guy wanted to know where his laptop was, hurry it up, give me the tracking number again, etc. fearing negative ebay feedback, I did my best to help him out.

I went about my business with only an occasional passing thought about the computer. I didn't have the money yet, but no big deal, I have bigger things to worry about. in the meantime I graduated. I said some vows in front of some people. I designed and implemented a honeymoon.

then I came back from the honeymoon. still no money, and the communication had stopped. I was flummoxed. 'hmmm,' I said. I went to the escrow site again, and lo! no website. very fishy, I concluded. I googled the website and much to my dismay discovered that it was quite fraudulent and gosh what an idiot I am. I kicked myself and wailed and gnashed teeth and carried on and thought of a way to lightly drop the news on my lawfully wedded wife. tears and sighs ensued.

I reported it to everyone I could think of (ifcc, fbi, mi6, kgb), but didn't tell anyone else. for example, you people are learning of this before my mother is. I blame embarassment. it's not every day you throw away a significant amount of value and hope to be reimbursed based on a promise and a website. seriously: thirty seconds' research could have prevented the whole thing.

and when nothing turned up and the usps website said the package had been delivered, I resigned myself to the whole stupid situation. if I were calvin, my dad would probably say 'losing money builds character.' and if that were the case then I've built a whole lot of character lately.

so when the postman rang the doorbell this afternoon, you might be able to better understand my happiness.

now my wife is saying that the pears in the kitchen are ripe and we must eat them immediately.

what a day.



p.s. through the magic of the internet I saw you squinting to try and see my address. foiled again, villain.

*GIORDANO BRUNO, of
93 WADDINGTON STREET
STRATFORD
LONDON
E15 1PJ (UNITED KINGDOM), YOU ARE A RIGHT BASTARD

~escrowtm.com, YOU ARE A BUNCH OF RIGHT BASTARDS

We don't know where our trash can is. It was outside waiting for the trash man to come empty it a few days ago, then nothing. Just gone. The trash can gnomes are at it again.

Usually, stolen things are nice or pretty or expensive. Who steals a city trash can?

For that matter, who charges so much for gasoline? Who decided which way "clockwise" should be? Who had the great idea of putting "Do not remove, under penalty of law" under my comfy orange lounge chair? And what's with the "farad?"

what is the world coming to?