Saturday 18th July 2009

hey we found your incomprehensible shroom journal

so! whilst we were lost in the wilderness of the eastern oregon blue mountains, on a fool's errand sometimes referred to as 'geocaching,' we came across a truly interesting cache indeed.

not the cache we had set out to find, mind you. the locations to which the satellites directed us were respectively 1) a copse empty of everything except ants and scrub and various droppings, and 2) unreachable except perhaps by helicopter. so that bit didn't pan out as we had planned. but it's hard to imagine finding something more interesting, or stranger, than what we did find out there: the journal you kept and wrote in during those periods of time when your mind was so dissociated from itself that it may as well have been dictated by the actual invisible pink unicorn.

enough of my rambling. i'll let the best of yours speak for itself:





it goes on.


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Sunday 4th January 2009

cold, and hot

fun fact: the waiting list for denver broncos season tickets is ridiculous, so my apologies to the wife but it looks like your birthday/x-mas presents for at least the next decade will continue not to jump the shark. unless we get in on a wild card berth! which doesn't actually exist, so there we are.

of course, this year's were not so bad, but not so good as to leave no room for improvement.

also! three cheers and a tally-ho for friends' free hot tub! ask him (or his personal financial assistant) how much this 'free' actually costs. go on, i dare you.


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Tuesday 25th November 2008

today i learned the same secret applied independently to two people living on opposite sides of the world.

THE WORLD IS CRAZY and made just a bit smaller by this little knot that ties us all together; this profoundly satisfies me.


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Tuesday 25th March 2008

i have completed my questionablecontent.net bingeing; i did it all in one firefox session; firefox is now using 435k; i did it for science

#316 panel 3 is my life


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Friday 15th September 2006

left hand, meet right hand

exactly one fortnight after they finally realize just what in the hell you actually need and deliver the speaker cord connectors (which is about a week after where i left off) you will receive the following email from the (finite number of) monkeys:

'I am sorry that we sent you cables instead of connectors. We will send the connectors ASAP. If you have any further questions or need help with anything, please feel free to contact us again.'

as the connectors have already been in-hand for the last two weeks, this latest will puzzle you. you will turn down the power of your fully armed and operational surround sound station as you momentarily ponder the situation. did this email, like so many of its predecessors, get lost in the jungles of the inter-thing? did it take a wrong turn at 210.174.204.69? was it perhaps sent by the janitors, misbehaving after hours? at any rate you will ignore it and resume your total blissful immersion in sound.

ten days later, you will receive a second set of speaker cord connectors.

postmortem:
after it all, you will have gained two sets of speaker cords, two sets of connectors, and a permanent augmentation to your already overwhelmingly cynical attitude toward modern customer service. oh, and a brand new wrinkle on the skin above your levatorlabii superioris.


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Friday 2nd December 2005

you just absolutely have no clue whatsoever

it's seriously just this big. i've swallowed pills bigger than this thing. you turn it sideways and it completely disappears.

libido.


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Sunday 30th October 2005

bad albums: a retrospective

there's no easy way to jump into this one. this is why, most nights, i cry myself to sleep.


bad album #1: mariah carey
1. mariah carey - music box.
not so much bad as creepy, and exacerbated by the accompanying music videos.


bad album #2: korn
2. korn - (self-titled).
at some point in their lives, each adolescent male will begin to despise life. these guys made it big by composing the soundtrack. almost as creepy as #1.


bad album #3: ace of base
3. ace of base - the sign.
said to be a favorite of osama bin laden.


bad album #4: ace of base
4. ace of base - the bridge.
if my satanic baby-eating neighbors were to make an album, it would sound like this, only less evil. in all truth i only own this one because i thought i was returning the one above.


bad album #5: tlc
5. tlc - crazy sexy cool.
when word got out that i owned this one, i got beat up. by my mom.


bad album #6: arrested development
6. arrested development - 3 years 5 months & 2 days in the life of…
apparently in a past life i was a black man from the south who had to deal with racist oppression and homelessness, and i bought an urban r&b rap album to figure out what that might mean. not recommended for children under the age of 200.


redemption! homestar runner.
7. homestarrunner.com - strong bad coaster.
there is more musical worth in this unplayable piece of hard cardboard than in everything above. and so i find redemption.


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