Thursday 28th February 2008

i r querying ur endgame tablebase

PRE-CHECKMATING UR KING


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Monday 19th March 2007

exploding bishops

to a regular chess game, add ninety-six additional squares and two additional players. mix with infuriating randomness. heat until simmering with rage; serve cold.

this double-variant of chess is perhaps the awesomest thing, ever. four players, and insane strategy-breaking cards. chess is to this … this beast as whack-a-mole is to global thermonuclear war.

oh, did i mention we built the board from legos? we are infinitely adaptable, you see.


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Wednesday 8th November 2006

my ideal government structure

first, start with the government structure we (in the united states) have. it has its kinks and inefficiencies, but it basically works. then fill it with the following:

in the house of representatives, centrists. communists and fascists strictly verboten.

in the senate, leftists. i'll stop short of saying downright baby-eating marxists but part of me wants to.

in the courts (especially the supreme court), conservatives all the way. i hate the phrase 'strict constructionist' but the shoe fits.

for president, someone who is simultaneously 1. not affiliated with either party of the current two-party system, 2. ideologically libertarian, 3. economically conservative, 4. socially progressive, 5. an actual scientist, and 6. neutral good in the i-roll-twenties etymology (which naturally eliminates any sith lords—huzzah!).

an independent and unmolested media armed with the much-hyped shield law.

and finally, for every single state and local office in the entire nation, from governor to county comptroller, this guy. (though as a condition of his holding office, he must uphold his election-season promise to frickin' blog more, yo.)

elections are instant runoff and are fewer and farther between, with single-term limits at every level.

there is, of course, always more, but this is the gist. in my head this guarantees that the government itself finds the balance between current and stable. pipe dream? oh yes, but a healthy one.


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Monday 18th September 2006

review: guitar hero

guitar hero is not fun. fun is guitar hero.

there's something addictive about hitting that awesome chord at the perfect time, going nuts on the whammy bar, maxing out my star power, unleashing the 8x awesomeness at the climax of the song, and hearing the crowd roar the sum of their approval. the resultant positive feedback loop resonates deep in my soul.

the downside is this: to master this game is literally orders of magnitude less difficult than to master a proper guitar. hence my forthcoming disillusionment when i go to pick one up and see no conveniently scrolling notes. hence my sorrowed lack of motion aftereffect.


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Thursday 31st August 2006

pax, you make me sick

pax 2006 lived up to its hype. mad props to ted for dragging me kicking and screaming. the bad thing about it was, as i had expected, the permeating stench of twenty thousand nerds. yep: 20k. a grand score, if you will; slightly under a gross gross. NERDS sweat is not nature's shower, you all need to change your shirts.

what was it all about?

unreal tournament 2004: the standby classic. they wiped the floor with me. i am not as awesome as i have believed myself to be.

half-life 2 deathmatch: i've experienced the game proper but not the pvp aspect, and the challenge turned out to be trying to balance standard weapons with the gravity gun. the nerds were faster at switching weapons, and so they inevitably climbed to the top of the ladder.

lunch money: creepy balding guy, you enjoy talking about little girls far too much. you've stolen any possible enjoyment i could have found in that game.

fear: what's better than a first-person shooter? a first-person shooter that enables you to walk on the ceiling.

a nintendo ds in every hand: okay OKAY you nerds, you've convinced me; i need one.

bawls: i've tasted bawls now for the first and only time. someone should tell the nerds that bawls jokes are not funny.

clay wars: the enraged bear-shark did not survive the clay … thing … that attacked it. impossible, i say, for how does one sneak up on the bear-shark? he's got heads that look in antiparallel directions, plus it's, you know, it's enraged. that's gotta be worth something. it is in munchkin, anyway.

femme-nerds: oh geek girls, you do it for me every time.

however, one particularly virulent nerd decided to share a particularly virulent virus with me. i cough as i write this, i wheeze in my sleep, and i fill trash cans with tissues all day. there should be a law stating sickness precludes pax. the penalty is you must give me your ds. starting now. with you. nerd. insult to injury: every thursday is donut day at work. donuts have sugar. insult to insult: the chocolate cake made for someone's birthday. if hulk not eat sugary chocolate cake, no one eat sugary chocolate cake! HULK SMASH DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE

the bottom line: i drool in anticipation of the 2007 iteration. i might even take friday off and work on bear-shark 2.0.


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Thursday 17th August 2006

review: football season

wife attached at the eyeballs to television for up to twelve additional hours per week = up to twelve additional nerdy computer game hours per week for the next five months.

though 'decision model' might have been more accurate, her use of 'algorithm' certainly didn't hurt—she's generally so heuristic.

bottom line: two thumbs up, and totally worth the extended bucks for extended cable.


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Monday 3rd April 2006

comicon, comicoff

this weekend in seattle i went deeply into the red in both personal spending money and wife-points, gleefully spending both on some very silly things at the fourthennial emerald city comicon. i picked up some neat comic books—ahem, i'm sorry, graphic novels—loaded up on free schwag, saw the penny arcade guys, unloaded the free schwag into my car and went back to the free schwag table for more free schwag.

highlights:
stale nerd sweat
six-person descent
finally being the least nerdy person in the crowd
artwork more powerful than you can possibly imagine
gabe cursing at tycho, in real time
actual jedi

lowlight:
food. as happens all too often on the road, i wound up with too much fast food in my belly. fried food is not food. it's like yoda says: chew or chew not; there is no fry.


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