ahem. below is a mini-post i had saved back in my insoluble.net days, but had a crisis of conscience (and of employment) about publishing, so it never saw the light of day. it survived The Great Darkness Between The Blogs, and thusly i am able to present it to you now, in all its minimal majesty:

people attending: hundreds
alcohol units consumed: thousands
alcohol units consumed by me: 0.1
alcohol units needed to have enjoyed the band: n
alcohol units needed to kill an adult horse: n+1

dear self (in care of two hours ago),

DO NOT DRINK THAT MILK it is a bit past its prime and you will regret it.

ugh.


so. hope you all had a lucrative holiday. merry rotmas to all and to all a good night.

I'm having trouble focusing so this will be all you get for a while.


(who do I know in wisconsin?)

JARNYAR through my so-phisticated inter-net know-how I saw you reading this. you, you who know the flesh-me, were not supposed to have clicked that link.


tea and iPod get me through the day. or rather, they would if I didn't have a healthy imagination. tea and iPod and imagination get me through the day. and corporate-sponsored sugar and cream and hot water. and vodka martinis that are not properly made because a) we don't have anything to shake them in, and b) we can't afford vodka. money is lame: I want it, just don't want to have to get it.

work philosophy that is sure to annoy my wife (if she reads this): go on break early, go on break often.


today I deposited our first paychecks. ordinarily this would make me feel rich, but on the same day all our bills arrived. how beautifully perfect. how perfectly beautiful.


current total number of hangnails = 3. current number of hangnails on left hand = 3. my left shoulder still hurts from when I slept on it wrong last week. I feel like neil. (who is feeling whose pain?)

today I also feel like an order post. in many ways.

[complaint]please, world: wherefore != where. whence != when.[/complaint]


thanks to arnoud, I now want to try spacecake. curiosity will inevitably kill the matt.

hatelife is headphones that randomly emit very high frequency 120 dB noise into one's ears. (this noise is so loud that, even though it is emitted through headphone speakers, it causes one's wife to turn down the television and inquire what that horrible noise was.) hatelife is subsequent specific-frequency hearing loss.

hatelife is the second helping of excellent food that is served approximately two minutes before the first helping hits the gut. hatelife is needing to ask for a to-go box for a homemade meal at a friend's house.

hatelife is being immediately pegged as 'the guy to beat' in a friendly game of speed-scrabble. hatelife is having to use lower-scoring words to prevent one's friends (and spouse) from being mad.

hatelife is being not mentally aware enough to focus on a conversation with: 1) sister; 2) friends (in person); 3) friends (on phone); 4) nearly everyone else.


however.

hatelife is not a lazy sunday at home.

hatelife is not sweet earl gray tea and toasted english muffin. with honey. with a blanket and a good book.

hatelife is not a four-month-old quarter-bobcat kitten (though it might be the manifold scratches on fingers received as a result of playing with the beast).

hatelife is not a newly employed spouse.

hatelife is not recent hatelife activity.

but hatelife is still hatelife.

political drivel lies ahead! ye be warned.

well huh. osama bin laden wasn't captured today. kerry might just pull it out.

but really: whomever wins, we lose.

I do not want george bush be reelected. if george bush were running against 'not george bush,' I think not george bush would win. the problem is I don't want kerry in.

a vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil, and americans everywhere don't seem to realize this.

I voted (absentee-like) for badnarik, a libertarian. he's a smart guy, as evidenced in many many many recent interviews. if you're sick of the system (and even if you're not), please check him out.

the end (of that).

…

dear coors beer corporation incorporated,

you stated in a recent television advert that your beer was the 'coldest tasting beer' in the world. we beg you to tell us: how can beer taste cold? come to that, can beer taste red? can beer taste loud? we're all very confused.

love,

a billion drunk people

…

tomorrow night I'll be drinking not to remember, but to forget.

remember: that's badnarik. no no, bahd-nah-rik. yes, that's right, less nasally. baaahd-naaah-rik. you've got it.

I'll offer to buy you a beer, but only if you refuse the terms of this offer.

(and, apparently, only if you live in the general vicinity of london. pooh.)

it turns out I haven't written in about a week. I really am sorry for avoiding you, you ridiculous imaginary people. it's just you see I've had bigger things on my mind. there is indeed a reason for this, as indeed there is for everything (possibly).

the interview (wednesday) I was dreading went far far far better than I had hoped/feared. the only problem now is that we have to wait for two weeks to find out the results. so what do I do now? keep jobbin'. booorrring. more on this later.

in related events wednesday night was the first night in months that I fell asleep before my wife did. … more on the wife later, as I promised a select few of you.


$4.50 for a bottle of wine is winning. once at a restaurant I spent $8 for one glass for a girl I know, and of course the price was not advertised up front. oh no. I had to wait for the check. fascists. WINE thank you for being so yummy and pink, you raelly hit thhe spost.


newly added to my wishlist: this. oh the things I could do with that much screen real estate. size is matter, friends. size is matter.


viral meme from the oxford dictionary of quotations (5th ed.), p.234#21: 'the terrorist and the policeman both come from the same basket.' (joseph conrad, the secret agent)

if you know the definition of a viral meme you're a winner and a loser. sometimes that's the best a person can hope for.