happy anniversary of the start of a war! eighteenth century britain can suck it.

"Factors which could cause actual results to differ materially include, but are not limited to: unicorns; the credit risks of lending activities, including changes in the level and trend of loan delinquencies and write-offs; changes in general economic conditions, either nationally or in our market areas; changes in the levels of general interest rates, deposit interest rates, our net interest margin and funding sources; swine flu; wombat flu; wombat fu; fluctuations in the demand for loans, the number of unsold homes and other properties and fluctuations in real estate values in our market areas; results of examinations of us by the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System and our bank subsidiaries by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, the Washington State Department of Financial institutions, Division of Banks or other regulatory authorities, including the possibility that any such regulatory authority may, among other things, require us to increase our reserve for loan losses or to write-down assets; zombie uprising(s); fluctuations in agricultural commodity prices, crop yields and weather conditions; our ability to control operating costs and expenses; our ability to implement our branch expansion strategy; your stupid face; our ability to successfully integrate any assets, liabilities, customers, systems, and management personnel we have acquired or may in the future acquire into our operations and our ability to realize related revenue synergies and cost savings within expected time frames and any goodwill charges related thereto; our ability to manage loan delinquency rates; our ability to retain key members of our senior management team; costs and effects of litigation, including settlements and judgments; increased competitive pressures among financial services companies; changes in consumer spending, borrowing and savings habits; legislative or regulatory changes that adversely affect our business; adverse changes in the securities markets; inability of key third-party providers to perform their obligations to us; changes in accounting policies and practices, as may be adopted by the financial institution regulatory agencies or the Financial Accounting Standards Board; war or terrorist activities, including cylon attack and/or occupation; other economic, competitive, governmental, regulatory, and technological factors affecting our operations, pricing, products and services; ninja wombats; ted's mom; and other risks."

(i do not, however, love the world's lawyerese culture.)

what was it all about?

unreal tournament 2004: the standby classic. they wiped the floor with me. i am not as awesome as i have believed myself to be.

half-life 2 deathmatch: i've experienced the game proper but not the pvp aspect, and the challenge turned out to be trying to balance standard weapons with the gravity gun. the nerds were faster at switching weapons, and so they inevitably climbed to the top of the ladder.

lunch money: creepy balding guy, you enjoy talking about little girls far too much. you've stolen any possible enjoyment i could have found in that game.

fear: what's better than a first-person shooter? a first-person shooter that enables you to walk on the ceiling.

a nintendo ds in every hand: okay OKAY you nerds, you've convinced me; i need one.

bawls: i've tasted bawls now for the first and only time. someone should tell the nerds that bawls jokes are not funny.

clay wars: the enraged bear-shark did not survive the clay … thing … that attacked it. impossible, i say, for how does one sneak up on the bear-shark? he's got heads that look in antiparallel directions, plus it's, you know, it's enraged. that's gotta be worth something. it is in munchkin, anyway.

femme-nerds: oh geek girls, you do it for me every time.

however, one particularly virulent nerd decided to share a particularly virulent virus with me. i cough as i write this, i wheeze in my sleep, and i fill trash cans with tissues all day. there should be a law stating sickness precludes pax. the penalty is you must give me your ds. starting now. with you. nerd. insult to injury: every thursday is donut day at work. donuts have sugar. insult to insult: the chocolate cake made for someone's birthday. if hulk not eat sugary chocolate cake, no one eat sugary chocolate cake! HULK SMASH DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE

the bottom line: i drool in anticipation of the 2007 iteration. i might even take friday off and work on bear-shark 2.0.

i am a homeowner. well, technically, for the time being, the bank is a homeowner, but they kindly allow us to live here.

biggest
huzzah
ever.

to summarize our other top stories:

i am a hardened catnapper;
the bear-sharks were enraged;
the radioactive lava acid burned;
beck music videos are winning;
i need a couch.

cheers, renters.

highlights:
stale nerd sweat
six-person descent
finally being the least nerdy person in the crowd
artwork more powerful than you can possibly imagine
gabe cursing at tycho, in real time
actual jedi

lowlight:
food. as happens all too often on the road, i wound up with too much fast food in my belly. fried food is not food. it's like yoda says: chew or chew not; there is no fry.

think about it.

waterfalls and hot springs, and sometimes both. the plop of elderberries on slow, deep water. a tent, a sleeping bag, a pillow, a wife. sunscreen and bug spray and deodorant and biodegradable soap. a perfectly cast line, and the fish!—inches and inches and inches of cutthroat trout, all tauntingly catch and release. tinder, kindling, down-and-dead wood. fire island (no relation). the unabashed horror of the scat can. the love/hate relationship with the inflatable kayak. the shock of cold water on sun-warmed skin. sore muscles. bruised hands. torn feet. pancakes and eggs and horrible little fake-meat turds almost every morning; contrast with well-smoked salmon followed by an abundance of spaghetti. river otters on the opposite bank, for which cutthroat trout are not catch and release. running to catch up with the boat. a long-overdue tan. a long, long night drive in another man's diesel truck pulling another man's trailer whose lights refused to light, attracting the attention of a nice gentleman in a dark blue suit and a black and white car who told us what a good idea it would be for us to drive two hundred-odd miles with the four-way flashers on—the same ones that would begin to make strange scraping noises very late at night. arriving home and the subsequent race for the shower. a long, sad unpacking.

and that was my exciting vacation. holiday. thingy.

my parents just returned from their own vacation holiday thingy to the uk. they mock us with their postcards. 'oh hello, landlocked americans. today we got lost in camden town market, had fish and chips in a pub, and had high tea with h.m. the queen herself! also we got take-away, took the tube, and went to the loo. tomorrow we're going to formally separate from the roman catholic church. cheerio, fatties!'

damned tourists.


i'm only beginning to understand the bbc radio version of douglas adams' hitchhiker series. it's so superlatively different from the book after about the sixth episode that following it becomes a chore (albeit a very enjoyable one, due in part to the fact i am strangely attracted to lintilla's voice) for my book-familiar memory. and why have i not yet seen the movie? the answer to that is unknowable.


dear anyone: we must play risk.