Sunday 4th January 2009

cold, and hot

fun fact: the waiting list for denver broncos season tickets is ridiculous, so my apologies to the wife but it looks like your birthday/x-mas presents for at least the next decade will continue not to jump the shark. unless we get in on a wild card berth! which doesn't actually exist, so there we are.

of course, this year's were not so bad, but not so good as to leave no room for improvement.

also! three cheers and a tally-ho for friends' free hot tub! ask him (or his personal financial assistant) how much this 'free' actually costs. go on, i dare you.


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Tuesday 26th August 2008

in which i briefly (and numerically) love george lucas:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fyX0LK_t_G8


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Sunday 17th June 2007

every eager impulse

it starts late in the afternoon with google news linking to a story on slashdot. the slashdot article has an interesting discussion. one of the posters has a sig linking to xkcd, reminding me i haven't had my xkcd fix in a while. during my time there i check the blag, and engorge myself in one particularly stimulating exploration of ludicrously large numbers

at this point my memory becomes slightly fuzzy

and suddenly it's like a quarter to five the following morning and i'm in my underwear with my old college texts out and i'm scribbling notes about exponential towers and *omorphisms whilst humming 'woman in love.' the internet is a gateway to the darkness waiting deep inside.


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Monday 19th March 2007

exploding bishops

to a regular chess game, add ninety-six additional squares and two additional players. mix with infuriating randomness. heat until simmering with rage; serve cold.

this double-variant of chess is perhaps the awesomest thing, ever. four players, and insane strategy-breaking cards. chess is to this … this beast as whack-a-mole is to global thermonuclear war.

oh, did i mention we built the board from legos? we are infinitely adaptable, you see.


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Monday 18th September 2006

review: guitar hero

guitar hero is not fun. fun is guitar hero.

there's something addictive about hitting that awesome chord at the perfect time, going nuts on the whammy bar, maxing out my star power, unleashing the 8x awesomeness at the climax of the song, and hearing the crowd roar the sum of their approval. the resultant positive feedback loop resonates deep in my soul.

the downside is this: to master this game is literally orders of magnitude less difficult than to master a proper guitar. hence my forthcoming disillusionment when i go to pick one up and see no conveniently scrolling notes. hence my sorrowed lack of motion aftereffect.


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Tuesday 5th September 2006

the greatest moments in music

what would i do if i had a million dollars? i'd meticulously organize my itunes library. i'd add album art. add genres. verify capitalization. strip comments. homogenize file naming conventions. create devastatingly precise smart playlists. i'd leave no song unalbum'd.

but, as they say, one doesn't need a million dollars to do that.

this little music fixation of mine is not wholly without benefit. i know more about my music than the average man knows about his very existence. for some ignorant reason you look at me as though that were a bad thing; look away immediately, but do listen:


nine inch nails - the hand that feeds, c. 2:07
trent got me to thinking about this topic. this moment is about pure buildup, then some more buildup, and finally a very satisfying delivery. like tasting the first bite of your favorite meal, the aromas of which have been wafting out of the kitchen for half an hour.

beck - ghettochip malfunction; c. 2:19
ibidem. we have a winner, and the winner is the speak-and-spell.

john frusciante - carvel; 0:00-1:56
ibidem. johnny! johnny, come back! don't fade out yet! oh thank you, thank you! you big tease, you are the buildup king.

bic runga - gravity; c. 0:28
delayed subtle bass intros are winning. regarding this song, my college newspaper music critic agreed with me, in very specific ways.

led zeppelin - stairway to heaven; 5:33-6:44
in a word, incendiary. i missed, and miss, the seventies.

björk - joga; 0:00-0:31, 1:11-1:18, and 1:59-2:31
count them: three. … though more correctly, i just can't decide which is best. so just consider the whole song to be a best very long moment.

fire set fire - the takeover; 0:00-0:18
i have a fever, and the only prescription is more loud dirty bass. fire set fire, you are the best medicine.

gorillaz - all alone; 1:57-2:56
this is a highly subjective moment, dripping with total emotional resonance. in this moment i am naked and manly in a national forest with you, and the monolith has touched our minds, and we throw bones into the air and they turn into spaceships two million years in the future. in seven seconds i am the star-child.

elliott smith - color bars; 1:25-1:49
another moment of total emotional resonance. in this moment i am in a 1978 chevrolet nova—purring the way a tiger purrs—with you, doing eighty, backs to everything, directly into the rising desert sun.

radiohead - like spinning plates; 3:22-fin
this song ends amazingly well which requires i turn the end way up, part i.

missy higgins - they weren't there; 3:43-fin
part ii.

meat loaf - objects in the rear view mirror; 9:39-fin
part iii.

elliott smith - can't make a sound; 2:20-fin
part iv. fade to bliss.


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Thursday 31st August 2006

pax, you make me sick

pax 2006 lived up to its hype. mad props to ted for dragging me kicking and screaming. the bad thing about it was, as i had expected, the permeating stench of twenty thousand nerds. yep: 20k. a grand score, if you will; slightly under a gross gross. NERDS sweat is not nature's shower, you all need to change your shirts.

what was it all about?

unreal tournament 2004: the standby classic. they wiped the floor with me. i am not as awesome as i have believed myself to be.

half-life 2 deathmatch: i've experienced the game proper but not the pvp aspect, and the challenge turned out to be trying to balance standard weapons with the gravity gun. the nerds were faster at switching weapons, and so they inevitably climbed to the top of the ladder.

lunch money: creepy balding guy, you enjoy talking about little girls far too much. you've stolen any possible enjoyment i could have found in that game.

fear: what's better than a first-person shooter? a first-person shooter that enables you to walk on the ceiling.

a nintendo ds in every hand: okay OKAY you nerds, you've convinced me; i need one.

bawls: i've tasted bawls now for the first and only time. someone should tell the nerds that bawls jokes are not funny.

clay wars: the enraged bear-shark did not survive the clay … thing … that attacked it. impossible, i say, for how does one sneak up on the bear-shark? he's got heads that look in antiparallel directions, plus it's, you know, it's enraged. that's gotta be worth something. it is in munchkin, anyway.

femme-nerds: oh geek girls, you do it for me every time.

however, one particularly virulent nerd decided to share a particularly virulent virus with me. i cough as i write this, i wheeze in my sleep, and i fill trash cans with tissues all day. there should be a law stating sickness precludes pax. the penalty is you must give me your ds. starting now. with you. nerd. insult to injury: every thursday is donut day at work. donuts have sugar. insult to insult: the chocolate cake made for someone's birthday. if hulk not eat sugary chocolate cake, no one eat sugary chocolate cake! HULK SMASH DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE

the bottom line: i drool in anticipation of the 2007 iteration. i might even take friday off and work on bear-shark 2.0.


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