Friday 31st October 2008

john mccain (via email): 'all the polls are tightening! we haz teh chance for victory ftw lol! p.s. please give us a lot of money, we're starving.'

[http://www.gallup.com/poll/111679/Gallup-Daily-Obamas-Lead-Widens-Some-All-Bases.aspx]

oh johnny, i can cherry-pick just as well as you. (if the state of denial had 270 electoral votes, you might have had a shot.)


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Saturday 18th October 2008

in which i metagoogle:

'mccain landslide' - 13,800 results
'obama landslide' - 83,100 results

GOOGERNET you have a blatant liberal bias.


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Wednesday 15th October 2008

you've heard about this stuff, this debate stuff. you hear it's pretty popular. this friend tells you to try it. you're given to peer pressure and you don't want to put this friend off, so you do try it. hot damn! you love the debate. it makes you all floaty and warm! during the debate nothing matters, everything is fantastic, no cares in the world. the debate ends and your eyeballs begin to itch. you do not like not having the debate. you are irritable, you want more debate, you go everywhere looking for more debate, just one more debate. you find some more on the internet but it's not as good as the original. then there's another debate! you relish the feeling! you're on top of the world. when you come to, you are running naked down main street at four in the morning. weeping, your mother bails you out. the judge sentences you to debate rehab. you fight though the paparazzi. three months later you become a spokesperson for the partnership for a debate-free america.


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Sunday 5th October 2008

another onion headline from my own imaginary future:

mccain campaign releases ad linking tina fey to terrorists, mafia, illuminati, o.j. simpson


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Saturday 4th October 2008

there have been a combined 34 confirmed deaths in the space programs of the united states and ussr/russia, of a total of approximately 440 actual or attempted spacefarers:
34/440 = 7.72%

8 of 43 presidents have died while in office (four assassinated in office, and an additional four died in office):
8/43 = 18.6%

dig it: you are more than twice as likely to snuff it as u.s. president than you are if your profession entails being strapped to a jillion gallons of burning rocket fuel and shot at ten kilometers per second into the vacuum of space.


posted by mAtt @ 16.25 (gmt+0000)
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Wednesday 1st October 2008

coming to an onion headline near you:

STONED PAULSON ORDERS 700 BILLION BEAN BURRITOS


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Thursday 25th September 2008

to ash, to sameness. i turn

and push against, pull you in, i turn the wheel

and am turned in turn, turn, turn, i turn the wheel that turns

and turns, everything in turn, i am the heat engine, i turn the wheel that turns the world


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