Tuesday 27th January 2009

another long, long day

frakkin executives. sometimes i'd swear they think they run the place.


posted by mAtt @ 18.24 (gmt+0000)
to /unhappiness

Monday 26th January 2009

things like these are why they invented the internet

oh so many joyous things sent my way:

firstly: obama with guns and lightsaber, from ted. this is the change i can believe in. also the change that can kill me silently in my sleep.

secondly: a perfect example of the male mind's filter, from walter.

thirdly: the one ring claims another victim.

also. i'm getting over a cold. at least i think that's what it was. i mean, if you feel sick in the morning, but fine for the rest of the day, that might mean you're pregnant, right? OMG LOL

posted by mAtt @ 19.18 (gmt+0000)
to /happiness/humans/internet

Tuesday 20th January 2009

who do you talk to, why do you whisper when i come in? i'm the same as i ever was. here touch my forehead, feel the burning mind, how did i get to the floor it makes no sense no i don't need to lie down. do me a favor turn off the light, set the sun, speak

softly, we're so close only you can hurt me. i touch the floor that touches you, we breathe the same air, we are parallel lines we are full of the same information, it makes perfect sense please try to keep up with me. i can ignore nothing, i can't forget no matter how i try. how did i

get here is this another hallucination? i never know, they're so real, more than real, i view it all through a lens i wish i could share, wish you could understand, i feel so out of place here i feel like i'm on fire, i don't know if we're real. i wish you'd trust me i'm the same as i ever was, i'll wake up

soon. speak softly, i prefer the waking dreams, the mind

is a terrible thing

posted by mAtt @ 22.30 (gmt+0000)
to /1137/composition

Thursday 15th January 2009

ruminations on brian's threaded comments

in this installment, we examine a real-world instantiation of the brian's threaded comments wordpress plugin. specifically, mine.

the skinny:
once you finally get it working, it's slick, yo, and no one can take that away from you.

the thick:
1. it generates invalid css, the first try, before you even get a chance to try to break it yourself. doubleplus ungood. code is poetry; make sure it scans, kids.
2. it comes with its own stylesheet, but it's stored in a .php file that your index page must load, in its entirety, with each pageload. to save on load times you can pull it out of the .php file into its own .css, and then make a call to this new one properly from your main style.css. note: this is after you finally, finally locate where these bizarre broken styles are coming from. on the other hand, if you're using the default (kubrick) wordpress theme, it should look okay—it appears that the plugin is designed to look native to kubrick (or at least some lighter theme).
3. there is no out-of-box 'your comment is awaiting moderation' message given to your respondents. i'm still working on making this go; my apologies to rhymes-with-floss for freaking him out when he thought he had wasted twenty minutes of his life submitting a comment to /dev/null, and then spending another portion of his life retyping it (because that is exactly what i would do) to the same result. (p.s. i still haven't nailed down exactly where to put this back in, so please do not despair if it appears your next comment has been eaten by the ethertrons. it has not.)
4. nitpicking, but you just don't encode a .png as a string of hex characters inside another file. BRIAN who taught you how to do that, it doesn't matter just unlearn it.
5. you basically have to trust the java. unless you yourself speek teh javazors. (i don't.) but it kind of goes with the territory.

all that said, there's definitely a critical mass of people using the plugin—it's likely all your questions have been asked and answered by other actual humans already, so you can probably google for the appropriate q&a. unless you're me, in which case you want to tweak it in ways no one has yet conceived of, and you're s.o.l. as usual. suckah!

do you know who only recently (i.e., after bonking his head on btc for several consecutive nights) discovered there is native support for nested comments in the later versions of wordpress? the answer is me.

posted by mAtt @ 17.54 (gmt+0000)
to /geek/meta

Sunday 11th January 2009

the annual company christmas party

ahem. below is a mini-post i had saved back in my insoluble.net days, but had a crisis of conscience (and of employment) about publishing, so it never saw the light of day. it survived The Great Darkness Between The Blogs, and thusly i am able to present it to you now, in all its minimal majesty:

people attending: hundreds
alcohol units consumed: thousands
alcohol units consumed by me: 0.1
alcohol units needed to have enjoyed the band: n
alcohol units needed to kill an adult horse: n+1

posted by mAtt @ 21.05 (gmt+0000)
to /happiness/insoluble

Thursday 8th January 2009

there's more to life than this

i bet even you know the old saying about how when you reach the end of your life, you'll look back on it and not think, 'man, i wish i had spent more time at work.'

in my future i see data mining and analyses and reports, a dancelike feedback loop of things happening, to data, to knowledge, to other things happening. and i'm good at it, dig? so obviously it's what i want to do forever, right?

we come to the point. i tend to do this thing when i encounter something i like: i binge on it, totally saturate myself with it, eventually get turned off, stop liking it. it's an extremely male-brained thing to do. i do it all the time in many and varied parts of my life, but so far, not in any of the really important parts. my fear is that i'll inexorably work my way through all my dream jobs, all those things i'd do for free if i had nothing else to do, in exactly this manner—loved intensely, but shortly, and discarded.

i like my job. i really do. it gives me little fixes of certain things i like (including, not least of which, money). i want to continue liking my job. but the first six weeks of the year are my hell weeks, and i'm definitely smelling the brimstone; i hope this is not the year i discover i forgot to pack my asbestos armor. or my boots of +5 fire resist.

i wonder how long i could string this metaphor along. if i really tried.

posted by mAtt @ 19.59 (gmt+0000)
to /unhappiness

Monday 5th January 2009

do not invest in babies

there's increasing hype in our neck of the woods about investing in little human-shaped financial instruments. (we in the financial industry call these instruments 'babies.')

do not do it. without exception babies are a losing investment, for many reasons which i'll break down for you:

financially, gads, they're a nightmare. one baby will eat, wear, drive, and matriculate six figures of dollars of money before it is legally its own human and you can with good conscience stop pouring money down its maw. if you're to receive any kind of return on your money, you have to wait forty, fifty, maybe even sixty years and then your little youngster will gladly pay to lock you up in some geriatric warehouse that smells like hemorrhoid cream and old people's feet. great r.o.i. there, gramps.

their primary export is poop. actual no-fooling human poop. you are wasting good food by putting it into a machine that turns it to poop. there are starving children in africa, and you're making poop machines. bravo.

they have all kinds of compile errors. at first they sleep almost randomly and execute any dna they come into contact with. then they start blatantly doing the opposite of what they're told. (and have i mentioned the poop? I'M SERIOUS HERE. POOP.) they are congenitally idiotic; at some point in its debugging stage one will willingly jump off the tallest tree in the park and destroy every cell in its body requiring outlandish sums of your dollars to nurse back to health. (it won't die, though. they're robust little buggers; i have to give them that.) they are intolerably needy especially around late december, and when you get them what they think they want they will just break it and then want something else.

they get larger but their brains apparently do not, and the runtime errors continue. they will think they have this 'love' thing figured out and give it a shot for themselves, but of course they did not; they will eventually collapse into a sobbing puddle which you must mop up. they interpret neurological signals of fear and stress as fun and will drive your cars at too fast a speed and wreck two or three of them. they are bad with dollars themselves and will constantly beg you for yours. and when they finally stop exhibiting buggy behavior they leave, and will be totally normal for someone else. but not you.

and perhaps the most compelling argument is that everyone else is investing in them. there are plenty of (perhaps even too many) humans in the world already. do you remember what happened when all of a sudden everyone wanted a house? everyone started getting houses and then the economy exploded. there is no room for growth in the market. this is the reason eskimos don't invest in ice. or poop, for that matter.


posted by mAtt @ 19.08 (gmt+0000)
to /humans/silliness
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