r.i.p. habeus corpus, 1305-2006

but don’t cry, because you didn’t really need it. it was only a goddamned piece of paper! that ridiculous bit of nonsense was just tying the hands of the judicial process and playing into the hands of the terrorists, the only ones it was protecting. endangering you, protecting them, don’t you see?

…normally it’s all fun and games until someone yells ‘gestapo’, but ask yourself: what happens when you become the next “them”?

(via, via²)

okay, hold me to this one:

my plan is to find a suitable hypno-meditation track, slice it up into very small bits, then rearrange the bits into ridiculous hilarity laced with subliminal messages of blatant greed.

i’ve already downloaded a couple to get me started:

deepak chopra – stop procrastinating and start speed reading all of deepak chopra’s books.mp3

reiki – sounds of nature – kittens falling on cedars.mp3

alan greenspan – the_resolution_of_our_current_account_deficit_and_household_debt_
burdens_does_not_strike_me_as_overly_worrisome_but_that_is_certainly_not_the_case_for_
our_fiscal_deficit_which_according_to_the_congressional_budget_office_will_rise_significantly_
as_the_baby_boomers_start_to_retire_in_2008_our_fiscal_prospects_are_in_my_judgment_a_
significant_obstacle_to_long_term_stability_because_the_budget_deficit_is_not_readily_subject_
to_correction_by_market_forces_that_stabilize_other_imbalances_(ADVANCE)_BY_M@ddog.mp3

the internet is our collective muse.

i’ve always thought of myself as a compassionate guy; the correct word, however, is sucker.

the bad news is that germany invaded poland and plunged the world into war.

the good news is that it happened in 1939, and it’s all over by now.

the rest of the good news is that the internet is awesome.