next time on wifeswap: we swap a wife from a family of terrestrial authoritarian yuppie democrat midget sea-traders with a wife from a family of martian libertarian redneck republican pirates with elephantitis! see the sparks fly as these two families strangle each other in a sixty-minute bloodbath! grab a double bacon cheeseburger and fries and a 64oz coke, turn off rational thought, tune in tomorrow night and decay your brain just a little more, you embarrassing overweight country of sensationalist reality tv-watching sloths!
you foolish, ridiculous people.
and while I'm on the rant about evil television: when and why did the news get so needlessly entertaining? when I take my tea in the morning I want to hear about what's going on with john bolton's nomination, iran, afghanistan, guantanamo, the u.s. overseas military base closures (which, for the record, is just about the only thing I can agree on with the u.s. military), what pope benedict xvi is up to, the local drought, the deficit, and maybe, for a sense of completeness, the price of tea in china. it doesn't have to be a feel-good experience for me. in fact it should be as cold and heartless as possible. I do not want to see pretty pictures of giant balloons and laughing children. I do not want to hear the latest gossip about what some mayor did or did not do with his secretary. I do not want to hear another damned word about michael jackson. (repeat after me: michael jackson has no bearing on our lives. none whatsoever. go on, repeat after me. say it out loud. how happy it makes you feel! how free! now say it every hour on the hour from now on. in this way you shall brighten the world with the light of reason.)
gah. my temper rises, contrary to my every hope and desire and predisposition.
I feel this post has started on the wrong foot. let me fix that:
'now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.'
-dark helmet, 'spaceballs'
I want a lightsaber.