Tuesday 29th March 2005

he's only mostly dead

no he's not.

so it's been a while, for which I apologize. things have been odd lately for a variety of reasons; I needed some time to myself. for which I do not apologize. I appreciate the concern of everyone who offered it and will reward it with left-brained, factual information as is my wont. some of you have heard this verbatim, most of you have not. either you have or you haven't AND THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION.

here's the skinny: I had something akin to a seizure.

here's the thick:

I was going to the bathroom at about 21.00 sunday night (three weeks ago now) when I passed out. I don't remember feeling faint or woozy at all before that, it just happened. my wife was downstairs and heard a big thump. she called my name and I didn't answer, so she ran up to see what was going on. I was on the floor, and I was rigid and wasn't breathing. she did a few rounds of CPR to get me breathing on my own again, and after that she called for an ambulance. when she came back upstairs I had thrown up a bit but was still unconscious, and I aspirated some of it (inhaled it—very nasty). she turned me onto my side to get it out of my mouth and windpipe.

pretty soon the ambulance crew arrived and the EMTs and such took me downstairs. I was marginally reactive at this point, and though I don't remember it, I was pretty combative and confused. in the ambulance I was strapped down because I was fighting them so much. I was thrashing my head around and ended up with a chipped tooth—I probably did it to myself. I don't know why. I'm such a kind-hearted fellow.

we got to the trauma center at the hospital and they hooked me up to all kinds of wires and IVs and meter-o-grams and whatnot. at this point I was just becoming aware of what was happening; I thought wife and I had been in a car accident, or something similar. I saw her in the room so I knew she was okay but didn't know what was happening to me. the doctors/nurses asked me repeatedly whether I had taken drugs (and they asked my wife the same questions just to be sure). after they got me stabilized (about 22.00-22.30?) I got to talk with my wife and my sister Jen, who were both there.

I don't have clear memories of anything up to this point. I was exhausted from the seizure (I'm told it's basically like trying to run a marathon all at once—your body uses up ALL its energy and ALL your blood sugar, and all you want to do is collapse) and generally a little slow on the uptake, but I couldn't sleep because I had: 1) a neck brace, 2) wires emanating from my every pore, 3) an IV in both arms, and 4) a blood pressure gauge that automatically measured my BP every ninety seconds ON TOP OF one of my IVs, which hurt like hellfire and damnation. it was like this for the next three hours or so while the doctors came in and checked reflexes and things like that, and vampires in white coats stole my blood. and they made me stand up (the hardest thing I've ever done) to pee in a cup. I told them that peeing was how I got myself into this mess, but they didn't listen to me. somewhere in here I got a CT scan, which was normal. all I remember are the spinning lights.

parents in law came up at about 1:30 that morning after I hadn't slept at all (ref. above paragraph). then wife left to take them back to our house and get some clothes and toothbrush etc. for me. finally at about 4:30, they moved us into a proper room and out of the trauma department. approximately once every half hour until 9.00, someone came in to take some test or to draw some blood or to ask me if I needed anything ("NO! I JUST WANT TO SLEEP YOU VISCIOUS BASTARDS"). then we got breakfast and an EEG test which involved more wires, and (for a change of scenery) some flashing lights. everything turned out normal.

since I aspirated a bit, I've been getting to take two antibiotic pills a day since then to help prevent pneumonia. these pills are the size of soda cans, I kid you not.

I'm doing fine now. for a week I was tired and sore as I ever have been, but I'm really fine. I've been going to work and generally don't fall over or knock anything/anyone over, so the future looks bright. though I did have to pee sitting down for a while.

the diagnosis is that the passing out part was a vasovagal reflex. it happens when blood pressure drops suddenly, as occasionally happens when a human (me) loses a large amount of pee-pee (which I did). the seizure part was either an extension of the vasovagal reflex, or completely seperate, caused by a bonk on the head or spinal column on my way down. perhaps since the reaction is intended to get blood back to one's head and my head was propped up above my body, it didn't work and my brain went to plan b.

so it's not epilepsy, which is good, and it probably won't bother me again for long years, which is good. but from all I've heard it probably will happen again, which is bad. but in the future I'll remember that when I pass out, I shouldn't do so against a door. all shall be well.

work on just about everything in my life (except the boring parts) has come to a complete halt. so now you know my boring situation.

well, not altogether boring.

posted by antimAtt @ 8.13 (gmt+0000)
to /unhappiness/visibleman

Friday 11th March 2005

details will have to wait

last sunday I received an unwanted, but not unwarranted, reminder (of the medical variety) that the world is bigger than I am. thankfully I'm no worse for wear, other than a fat lip and chipped tooth and a slight fuzziness around the edges.

I'm fine, in all respects. don't worry. really. for a while, though, I'll be walking a bit slower, hugging my wife a bit longer, and hopefully laughing a bit quicker.

who knew.

posted by antimAtt @ 23.49 (gmt+0000)
to /unhappiness/visibleman

Saturday 5th March 2005

to-do (hold me accountable)

1. pick a domain name. (status: done)
2. register a domain name (status: done)
3. find hosting (status: done)
4. design brainstorm (keeping css in mind) (status: ongoing)
5. find introductory css resources (status: ongoing)
6. be confused by css (status: ongoing)
7. get/configure phpBB (status: done)
8. get/configure wordpress (status: done)
9. become tired of learning css; find a website using beautiful/amazing css, view source, steal source, customize source (status: done)
10. conscience attack w.r.t. 9 above; scrap source (status: done)
11. continue looking for css reading material (status: slow going)
12. ??? (status: 404 internal oracle failure, cannot read from source "future")
13. website done! profit! (status: I don't want to talk about it)

bugger bugger bugger sod.

I'll keep you updated. till then, this. notify me of bugs, if you happen across any.


posted by antimAtt @ 17.02 (gmt+0000)
to /geek/insoluble/internet/meta/visibleman

Friday 4th March 2005

it's the only one I get for another eight years

ah, today. beautiful today.


though today is only beautiful in this sense in these united states and perhaps some scattered others I'm unaware of. yet the point remains. and besides, my shameless blatant anglophilia will allow me to relish the day again on 3 April 2005.

cheers, nerds.

posted by antimAtt @ 13.51 (gmt+0000)
to /geek/visibleman

Thursday 3rd March 2005

a certain forthcoming webpage

of incredible design prowess, phenomenal genius, and stupefying beauty (just not yet):

I submit for your approval insoluble.net.

genuine and infinite thanks to everyone for their suggestions; infinite-plus-one thanks to neil for a suggestion which the wife neither scorned nor scoffed.

… I almost feel obligated to list all the ones I liked because I'm a nice guy intent on making you all feel good; but because I'm such a nice guy intent on making you all feel so very good, I think I'd just list them all. then again I'm easy to please. don't take any of this as a lack of gratefulness. I worry about such things.

to flog a cliché: stay tuned. learning HTML, java, FTP (not to mention working with a linux-based server remotely), CSS, wordpress, RSS, etc. will inevitably take time.


posted by antimAtt @ 15.25 (gmt+0000)
to /geek/insoluble/internet/meta/visibleman