Friday 31st December 2004

fatal attraction

in a word, I'm a sucker. for so many things.

a pretty face, shiny hair, a well-shaped neck*. any combination of these will surely stop me in my tracks. there is nothing like a girl and I have no trouble admitting it.

speaking of which. I believe I was flirted with yesterday whilst driving on the highway. I passed a car containing two young ladies. my cruise control was on, so I was going a constant speed. very soon after, this same car passed me and the young lady in the passenger seat looked in my direction with a slight smile on her face. very soon after, the car slowed down dramatically. so I did the logical thing and passed them again. very soon after, they passed me again, and again I got the same sort of corner-of-the-eye-smiley-look. it was all very confusing and I don't know what to make of it. surely they couldn't have been interested in me?—and if they were, what did they expect me to do about it? jump to their vehicle from mine, travelling at over 70 mph? silly girls, I'm no secret agent man.

dreams of late have been disturbing. last night's involved three pals I have who currently reside in thailand. I know the tsunami didn't threaten them; they've contacted me since. but still the troubling dream. I wish I knew whether dreams were based on reality, or pseudo-random (as I tend to think). that's all I'd like to know. it would make waking up a bit easier, sometimes.

this post so far has been brought to you by my desire to come clean. why, and with whom, perhaps I shall never know.


a year ago today I saw a car commercial. it said: 'make no payments till 2004!' (you can't make this stuff up.)


p.s. drew is the world's last bastion of sanity


*or one of the beauties in the victoria's secret catalogue which of course I've never even looked at not even once


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Wednesday 29th December 2004

I meh the title

dear self (in care of two hours ago),

DO NOT DRINK THAT MILK it is a bit past its prime and you will regret it.

ugh.


so. hope you all had a lucrative holiday. merry rotmas to all and to all a good night.

I'm having trouble focusing so this will be all you get for a while.


(who do I know in wisconsin?)


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Thursday 23rd December 2004

'tis the season to be easily offended

it's never the majority; it's always the vocal minority.
(no) more on that later.


the really truly hard-liners of the denomination I nominally belong to think catholics are the beast that will devour the earth in the end times and that we shouldn't have anything to do with them—as in, we shouldn't speak to them, look at them, shouldn't use words that they use, and on and sodding on. in this xenophobic spirit, therefore, I want to wish you all a merry Christ-x.

if I wanted to be simultaneously politically correct and remain neutral with respect to tradition and culture and belief I'd wish you all a merry x-x.

but that's just lame. so: happy second day after solstice, everyone, and good luck in the arbitrarily-begun new year. unless you're chinese, in which case happy, uh, shiny, lucky … golden … dragon? SOMEONE POLITICALLY CORRECT ME PLEASE



happy whatever, weenies.


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Saturday 18th December 2004

sic

CRAPE DIEM


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Tuesday 14th December 2004

10 snapshots
20 of
30 GOTO 10

JARNYAR through my so-phisticated inter-net know-how I saw you reading this. you, you who know the flesh-me, were not supposed to have clicked that link.


tea and iPod get me through the day. or rather, they would if I didn't have a healthy imagination. tea and iPod and imagination get me through the day. and corporate-sponsored sugar and cream and hot water. and vodka martinis that are not properly made because a) we don't have anything to shake them in, and b) we can't afford vodka. money is lame: I want it, just don't want to have to get it.

work philosophy that is sure to annoy my wife (if she reads this): go on break early, go on break often.


today I deposited our first paychecks. ordinarily this would make me feel rich, but on the same day all our bills arrived. how beautifully perfect. how perfectly beautiful.


current total number of hangnails = 3. current number of hangnails on left hand = 3. my left shoulder still hurts from when I slept on it wrong last week. I feel like neil. (who is feeling whose pain?)

today I also feel like an order post. in many ways.

[complaint]please, world: wherefore != where. whence != when.[/complaint]


thanks to arnoud, I now want to try spacecake. curiosity will inevitably kill the matt.


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Monday 13th December 2004

confession(s)

my name is matt, and I'm an anglophile.

I'll tell you what I mean.

the realization has been creeping up on me for a long long really long time. it started, I think, with monty python. I don't remember how old I was at the time, but it couldn't have been more than seven. I was on vacation with family in a hotel room with some uncles and cousins, flipping through the stations. I remember the black knight saying to king arthur that 'none shall pass' and the hilarity that crassly ensued, the knights who say 'ni' and (later) ecky-ecky-patang-patang-yip-boing-rowr,' the knight-murdering rabbit of doom, 'one, two, five!' and so on.

o fateful day.

ever since, I've been hooked on it all: monty python, radiohead, fish and chips and a pint o' guinness, cheers, fog and rain, cricket, parliamentary democracy, '-shire' pronounced 'sher,' douglas adams, mornington crescent, bbc radio ninety-four, future sound of london, words that end in -re instead of -er (and are spelled with s instead of z, and a 'u' thrown in here and there seemingly at random).

throughout my life, most of the girls with whom I've been infatuated have had something to do with england. examples: the one who is very english. the one whose parents are very english. the one who likes pink floyd, who are themselves english. most of the ones I saw whilst in england. the one who likes english muffins. the one who went to oxford and drinks tea and makes scones (and married me).

someday we're going to live there, see if we don't. I want gmt to be my local time. I want to call wankers and mates by their rightful names. I want to go pubbing and listen to dumb hip-hop music and see flashing lights. I want to have a royal family that I don't have to vote for. I want to have high tea at harrod's. I want to drive on the left, through a roundabout.

I want to mind the sodding gap.



that's that. you might recall my little run-in with the headache of total annihilation recently. this one was particularly doomful: it was the first migraine I've ever had that actually gave me hallucinations. waking dreams. the things that make one question one's sanity.

since I'm such a forward-thinking guy, I wrote down the visions I can remember.

1. I'm flying an airplane. my bed is somehow crammed into the cockpit and I pilot the thing with my head on the pillow.

2. I'm watching 'I love lucy' from inside lucy's house.

3. I'm in my grandma's kitchen (at her table) watching her make cookies. she talked to me but I don't remember what about.

4. I meet Arnold Schwarzenegger, who shows me his hummer and calls it his pride and joy.

5. I'm in the white house. I don't see anyone important or do anything significant; I'm just happy to be in the white house.

6. (this one isn't a hallucination; it's a recurring dream that I have when I'm headache'd.) inside my head I have a small number. it's not an integer or anything definite, it's just a quantity, like a stack of generic objects. the amount/stack/quantity suddenly doubles in size, then redoubles, and so on. very soon, the number is tremendously huge, to the point where it exerts pressure on the inside of my head. it is violently, painfully large. I realize this is my pain receptors incorporating their nerve signals into my dream. I just wish they wouldn't.


dreams are dumb; pain-dreams doubly so.

(to all you out there who felt my pain: I'm sorry.)


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Thursday 9th December 2004

every day today is painful day

what I want more than anything is a cure for the common migraine. if a cure is unavailable, then I'd please like a drill to let some happy back into my head.


dear world,

please keep it down for the next six to twelve hours.

love, matt.


I didn't deserve this one.


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