Monday 25th October 2004

like a whiny phoenix from the angsty ashes

hatelife is back. (more or less.)


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Sunday 24th October 2004

but enough about me

the most dreaded (and simultaneously the most important) interview 'question':

tell me about yourself.

so here it is. tell me about yourself. … seriously. I deal in specifics, so here's what I'm looking for, specifically: everyone has some feature or quirk that s/he has never been able to tell another person simply because it has never been easily insertable into the conversation at hand. here is your excuse to say it.

mine is that I've always wanted to write, film, and edit my own movie. actually, I've already written one (it's rubbish, don't bother inquiring), so I guess I want to get to the business of filming and editing my own rubbish movie.

someone I know (not me) has a more interesting one. once when he was 15ish he watched a pseudonews show's exposé on landlords who install hidden cameras to spy on their tenants. since then, in every dorm room/apartment he's lived in, he regularly checks the eaves and behind the mirrors for cameras, and checks the floors for suspicious sawdust. true story.

PREMISE we are very normal, well-functioning humans.
PREMISE we have one.
PREMISE you are very normal, well-functioning humans.
CONCLUSION you have one.

it will be easy for you to tell me because I'm not hiring you.


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Saturday 23rd October 2004

punny punny

this weekend my sister and my wife simultaneously took up crocheting.

today they were very crochety.


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nothing ever makes sense

query: why is it called fasting if it goes so slowly?

har. I really just needed an excuse to tell you I'm fasting. here's why: a week ago I was at the beach working on becoming a fat hippo, and I nearly succeeded. I've worked a few figures and have determined that between friday lunch and sunday breakfast I consumed the recommended weekly caloric intake of, roughly, asia. and so to bring balance and confusion to my stomach, I am making it pay.

<stomach> I NEED OVERTIME PAY OR I'M GOING TO GO ON STRIKE
<matt> I'll show you 'overtime'
* matt starves self
<stomach> SUCK IT, FATTY! QUIT STALLING AND GIVE ME THE 'SPOOKY' LUCKY CHARMS
<matt> you be quiet and stop rumbling or I'll cut you in half like evil jared
* stomach falls silent


explanation: it has been brought to my attention (by her) that evil jared—from the subway commercials—had gastric bypass surgery. it wasn't that he ate nice healthy subway sandwiches and went on an exercise regimen, NO NO, it's that his stomach couldn't hold anything so it didn't bloody well matter what he ate. you disgust me, fraudulent corporate whore evil jared. you are my new swear word. (along with dentist)

in my dreams I write as well as neil, but in the morning I can never remember how.



amends: I apologize for what I wrote below. much as it pains me to admit, it was a moment of angst. hopefully a rare moment of angst. we generally try to do better than that.


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Wednesday 20th October 2004

everything happens at once.

we have explosive.


I find myself at the beginning: the oh-so-handy referral counter has, inexplicably, reset itself. how odd.

I find myself still unemployed and still borderline unmotivated. having been jobbin' for three months, what do I have to show for it? one bollocks'd interview and a host of ignored résumés. I know that a job is just around the corner. I just have to look hard enough to find the right corner. and if I keep telling myself that, that's all it will take.

I find myself cleaning a house I don't really want to be in. I want to be out. gone. done with it. moved on.

I find myself. (no, I really don't.) recently I told a friend of mine that if humans can't find meaning in their lives, then they're pretty good at creating meaning instead. I fail it on both accounts.

blah blah blah, boo hoo. introspection is lame. why didn't I stop me?


I find myself leaving it up to chance:
heads = delete.
tails = publish.

even though either way, I know I'm going to hit 'publish post' and be done with it.

whatever.


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be ye manipulated

just watched 'super size me.' as wife is my witness, I am never eating at mcdonald's again. ever.

also, my niece is cute.

check that, my niece is THE CUTEST MAMMAL IN THE UNIVERSE.



cuter even than baby doom.


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Monday 18th October 2004

in my defense, I have been busy

ugh. you ridiculous demanding people, being all ridiculous and demanding things and such.

since last we spoke, I have: gone on a camping trip, run the batteries of the camera down in three pictures, built fires, put out fires, slept in a freezing tent with a too-small sleeping bag and no proper pillow, caught a three-inch fish, washed my hair in a river, driven through a town with its own logo, seen mountains and valleys aplenty, been sick, had headaches, rearranged the contents of my living room, done the dishes, been kissed by a dog, visited old friends, sat down in a bookstore, purchased a future sound of london (link warning: evil flash and less-than-evil noise and lights lie ahead) album, written some conspicuously overdue emails and procrastinat'd many others, sold a laptop computer on ebay whilst simultaneously avoiding internet fraud, watched football (american), watched football (unamerican), been visited by a canadian cousin, eaten ice cream and more ice cream, touched the pacific ocean, thrown a frisbee, watched movies with many friends, eaten homemade quesadillas after midnight, eaten and eaten and eaten, played games and games and games, read books and books and books, not gotten a job, and stayed mostly out of trouble throughout. so I can see that it has indeed been a while, for which you have my apologies.

I have also been thinking of what to give you in the way of photos. since I cannot in good conscience delay this any longer, I might as well get right into it.

well, let's see. in the order they were received:

1 (requested by dan) - dinner (or the aftermath thereof):

stir-fry and ex-brownies.



2 (requested by nmrboy) - something around my house that strikes me as being decidedly out of place:

note the products of intelligentsia on the right side and the products of literati on the left. har.


3 (requested by louise) -
a. my bookshelves:

I have too many of these. they also qualify for part 3c below.


b. my favourite (local) place that makes me feel like getting back to nature:

the wallowa mountains.

is that water clear? the answer is yes.


c. the item(s) I cherish most (wife excluded):

ash nazg durbatuluk.

the future of muzak.

cromulent.

cromulent, with majesty.



d. my wife:

sadly, according to my wife, this is not allowed. this is the best I am allowed do:



4 (requested by lisa to whom I've unfortunately never been introduced) - a girl driving an unbroken black pontiac bonneville, or any other fortunate event I might witness:

this was a toughie. it rather required my carrying the camera about from place to place, and also required lightning-fast reflexes, which I'm told I do not have. the specific item mentioned does not exist in my town, so again, I had to settle for 'the best I could do.' here:

this arrived in the mail today, from my mum. even though it isn't an event per se, you can't ask for more fortunate than this.



this was fun. for me.

p.s. the new recommended daily allowance of future sound of london is now 'yes.'


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