Thursday 30th September 2004

debate #1: utter tripe

moderator: mr. bush, what is your favorite color?

george bush: let me preface my answer in this way: I'm the best man for the job of president of the united states. in four years I've spectacularly done blah blah blah blah blah pin-a-rose-on-my-nose and look at how shiny and new the world is now.

moderator: mr. kerry, your response, please.

john kerry: you incompetent clod, you're the least best man for the job. in four years you've tried to blah blah blah blah blah but you've bollocksed it up and now look at the world! the world sucks! kim jong il is going to kill us all and it's your fault!

bush: nuh-uh!

kerry: yes-huh!

bush: nuh-uh, you snobby elitist billionaire yale frat-boy!

kerry: I know you are but what am I?

and on and on and on and on and

neither candidate answered the questions; they answered the questions they wished the moderator had asked. and where were the third-party candidates? not invited. and you ridiculous politicians dare to call this a democracy. come on.

my favorite part was when the moderator asked each candidate to 'say something mean and bad about the other guy.' each tried oh-so-hard not to, tried oh-so-hard to come off as a compassionate sensible human being, and only after that formality had been done away with would they launch into what they really, really wanted: blatant partisan negativity! it's like when your mum says you have to eat your broccoli before you can have dessert.

if a streaker had squeaked past security and had gotten onto the debate floor, I would have voted for him (her, it, whatever) instead.

seriously, though. I didn't learn anything about either man, other than they must have practiced a long long long time for tonight's little charade. nothing else.


posted by antimAtt @ 21.52 (gmt+0000)
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another needless distraction

whew! almost slipped back into the v. bad habit of not updating for a week! but disaster has been diverted. I have some news. some v. important news, though I'm certain not everyone will think so. I do, anyway. the point is:

antimatt has successfully installed and implemented linux. repeat, I AM RUNNING LINUX.

for the intrigued: redhat 9.0, but beyond that I don't know any important details. my nerdy friend got me hooked up and now I AM RUNNING LINUX. on the prodigal ex-stolen laptop, no less.

man. and I thought having a gmail account made me a nerd. oh no no no no no. I am now part of that great rarified air of self-important self-proclaimed techno-literati, the members of which (on the whole) are failed IT/tech support jerkos. this is one of the silliest, grandest nights of my silly little life. [aside]

as usual, you lot, my imaginary friends, are the first to know. my wife is annoyed because tonight I spent more time with my computer than usual. I explained to her the importance of the open-source movement, a brief history of linus torvalds and the gang, the subtleties of all those layers of computational abstraction and blah blah blah. she wasn't impressed.

but I know you will be.

now if only I knew exactly just what in the hell I was doing, and exactly just what in the hell /dev/null (and the like) means, and exactly just how in the hell I can copy and paste more intuitively, I might be able to do something useful. as it is, I can only use linux to shout-type I AM RUNNING LINUX over and over on the internet, and while admirably nerd-like, that's not exactly something to be proud of. but at least I AM RUNNING LINUX … I'll take what I can get.


how and why does my wife find her way into almost every post?


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Saturday 25th September 2004

from bad to still bad

phone call, circa noon:

bugger, didn't get the dream job. the one that was tailor-made for me. the one that had my name on it, the one for which I gave a smashing interview, the one into which I poured an exhorbitant amount of emotion. which means that the future is still hovering in a state of quantum indecision above my head, waiting to fall. [aside]

I suppose this means I'm sad. … am I? … no, not really. my subconscious (but effective) way of dealing with things is to expect the best but prepare for the worst, which keeps me optimistic whilst waiting and keeps my spirits up when I fail. it cushions the blow, anyway; I take what I can get.

there are approximately 15 humans in my email queue. communication is not my strong point. very many things are not my strong point.

oh, I have decided that douglas adams died too soon.

so sad.



unrelated post script: if I weren't so married I'd be a quirkyalone. perhaps you are too.


posted by antimAtt @ 1.19 (gmt+0000)
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Thursday 23rd September 2004

self-reference gets me every time

I'll offer to buy you a beer, but only if you refuse the terms of this offer.

(and, apparently, only if you live in the general vicinity of london. pooh.)


posted by antimAtt @ 17.29 (gmt+0000)
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sometimes I can't help myself

it's not just you. we all (at one point or another) desire peanut residue- covered- salt- covered- chocolate- covered raisins.



Wednesday 22nd September 2004

the best day of my day … so far

got a strange, heavily-stickered and -written upon package via post today:

containing:

  1. a wireless network adapter for a laptop computer, and
  2. a laptop computer.

not just any wireless network adapter for a laptop computer and laptop computer. a very, very special wireless network adapter for a laptop computer and laptop computer.

specifically the laptop computer I had sent to a right bastard somewhere across the atlantic* after I had sold it to him on ebay for the agreed-upon price of US$750.

he wanted me to use an escrow service (escrowtm.com—though they no longer exist so don't bother looking) that would, so he said, hold his money until he verified receipt of the computer, at which point they would send me the money. so I cheerfully sent the package off that morning. hatelife died that afternoon. I had friends over for my birthday party that evening. it was a very significant day in my life.

soon after, the guy wanted to know where his laptop was, hurry it up, give me the tracking number again, etc. fearing negative ebay feedback, I did my best to help him out.

I went about my business with only an occasional passing thought about the computer. I didn't have the money yet, but no big deal, I have bigger things to worry about. in the meantime I graduated. I said some vows in front of some people. I designed and implemented a honeymoon.

then I came back from the honeymoon. still no money, and the communication had stopped. I was flummoxed. 'hmmm,' I said. I went to the escrow site again, and lo! no website. very fishy, I concluded. I googled the website and much to my dismay discovered that it was quite fraudulent and gosh what an idiot I am. I kicked myself and wailed and gnashed teeth and carried on and thought of a way to lightly drop the news on my lawfully wedded wife. tears and sighs ensued.

I reported it to everyone I could think of (ifcc, fbi, mi6, kgb), but didn't tell anyone else. for example, you people are learning of this before my mother is. I blame embarassment. it's not every day you throw away a significant amount of value and hope to be reimbursed based on a promise and a website. seriously: thirty seconds' research could have prevented the whole thing.

and when nothing turned up and the usps website said the package had been delivered, I resigned myself to the whole stupid situation. if I were calvin, my dad would probably say 'losing money builds character.' and if that were the case then I've built a whole lot of character lately.

so when the postman rang the doorbell this afternoon, you might be able to better understand my happiness.

now my wife is saying that the pears in the kitchen are ripe and we must eat them immediately.

what a day.



p.s. through the magic of the internet I saw you squinting to try and see my address. foiled again, villain.

*GIORDANO BRUNO, of
93 WADDINGTON STREET
STRATFORD
LONDON
E15 1PJ (UNITED KINGDOM), YOU ARE A RIGHT BASTARD

~escrowtm.com, YOU ARE A BUNCH OF RIGHT BASTARDS


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Tuesday 21st September 2004

and I approved this message

if I could do it all over again, I would have fallen asleep three hours ago. insomnia is its own worst symptom and also the dumbest pseudo-disease imaginable. not even melatonin helps anymore. if not for the internet I'd still be just lying there, so I suppose I do have some small things to be thankful for.

fun bodily fact that I discovered in bed about one point five hours ago whilst vainly vainfully trying in vain to fall asleep: I have a bump near the middle of my back, and if I scratch at it there's another spot on my back that twinges with a curious itch/tickle/pain sensation. nerves are strange. I intend to figure them out, someday.

found today in the junk pile: assorted memorabilia (train ticket stubs, tube ticket stubs, london tower ticket stubs, plane ticket stubs, stubby stub stubbing stubs) from march 2003 london trip.

computer is now named cromulent. how amusingly self-referential.

segue into

amusement: my twentysomething friend who has the chicken pox. that was, like, so second grade.
abusement: the last day of summer. the days are shortening at the greatest possible velocity. (the analogy follows easily.)
unenthuse-ment: political ads on every channel, station, and column of every news and entertainment medium in existence.

unemployment is not the answer. unemployment is the question; NO is the answer. (and bollocks to waiting to hear the answer. there is no need to interview another applicant; it is clear that I'm the man for the job, quit stalling and hire me.)

how wonderful it is when the words write themselves.

that's enough for now. insomnia wanes (I'll needlessly keep you updated).


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