have sneaking suspicion that new laptop is/was stolen and being resold. suspicion possibly related to last night’s dream, wherein theft of said laptop was witnessed.

…

contour integrals kick my ass, repeatedly, all throughout the day, and their feet never get tired.

…

bets entered into (today): 1
best lost (today): 1
money lost to bets (today): $1

…

ponderance: what is the resolution of the eye? how small is an ‘ocular pixel?’ why can we not harness this massively efficient bio-technology for incorporation into Unreal Tournament?

…

studies have shown that people who eat peanuts live longer than people who do not eat.

…

AAAAAH every website in the world is down simultaneously: we will not survive this.

…

shut it up, me.

[fin]

hatelife, this could be the end.

with the decline in the average apparent age and intelligence of users at hatelife recently, coupled with a simultaneous rise in angst and teenagerness in the same population, I have no choice but to leave it up to chance, to the magic decision-making 1/0 yes/no true/false algorithm, which never lies and whose decision is final and absolute and irrefutable and unappealable.

heads, I stay.
tails, I’m gone forever.

I’m serious about this.

believe me, I’ve thought a lot about it. I guess it all comes down to my needs.

do I need to stay? no. there are other journal sites out there in the great mysterious interweb.
would I be missed? probably. at least to a select few. at least for a while.
would they get over it? yes.
really? definitely.
would I miss hatelife? I already do. in the sense that it’s not what it was when I started typing here; something has emerged and I’m not sure I fit in anymore.
do I enjoy hatelife? yes. I honestly do. and that’s why it’ll be hard to leave if tails should come up.

my next post might be my last. it’ll be #200. a nice milestone. (but who’s counting? the mystery box at the top-right corner and that’s about it.)

honestly I’m hoping for heads. if not, I’ve made my peace but either way you’ll be the first to know. actually the second because I’ll know before you do. that’s the perk of being me.

and I think you should know that because I’m a sissy little girl, it will be at least 24 hours and possibly much longer before I actually get to the business of actually flipping a coin.

[aside:
THIS
IS NOT
A PUBLICITY STUNT.
]

here’s hoping.

once again, wish me probability.

-matt.

every day is the day you realize you forgot an important birthday. in my case, it’s my sister’s birthday. what kind of brother am I? the answer is NOT A GOOD ONE.

I called her today and apologized. she forgave. we talked and laughed. nothing like the olden days of older brotherly pesterance. I’m so glad I’m not young anymore. it really is nice when sibling = friend. I hope it stays this way for a long, long time.

slashdot karma decreasing daily. we might not survive this. however: THANK YOU /. for proving again and again that I am not the nerdliest human living. not by a long shot.

financial situation can only get better. I know this because if it gets any worse I’ll be living in a cardboard box and I’ve promised myself that will never happen.

red bull is yellowish. I’ve never come across yellow bull but if there’s any justice in the world it must be red.

… how strange. I’m reduced to talking about colors of freaking beverages in this so-called journal of mine. something must change and that thing is me.

if writing insubstantial posts is cool, then I’m miles davis.

LAPTOP I will miss you when you’re gone. we’ll always have the good times to remember, though. like that one time when I typed that really funny thing using your keys. that was a good one. or that time that I used you to find out my grade in that one class. that wasn’t so good, but I’ll remember it nonetheless. or that one time I bought you on eBay. of all the times we’ve shared together, that certainly was one of them.

insight: quality of this post is falling.

I’ll just be hitting the ‘post’ button now.

‘I’ve seen the world. it’s overrated.’
-lifehouse

dammit, that exam has had the unexpected side effect of severely disillusioning me. long, long ago I thought I was good at everything, but that was before I had any real challenges. this isn’t conceit, mind you. I’m genuinely just figuring out my limits. it’s healthy, but healthy hurts. sometimes. really I just need to grow up.

randomly, I here feel the need to interject to all the kids of hatelife just how stupid high school is. high school is the dumbest four years of your life, but seriously, time passes and so will imagined high school angst. I know wisdom is lame and free wisdom doubly so and you’re not even reading this anymore but it’s true nonetheless.

old laptop is on the outs! I found a sooper-excellent deal on a near-new Dell, and if all goes well, the eBay proceeds from old laptop will cover the cost of new laptop and then some. how pleasantly good and nice when things go my way. I’ll show you the auction if and only if you promise to meet my buy-it-now price.

boring honesty: I have determined/discovered something important. I only get gotten down [aside: grammar alarm bells ringing] by things that I don’t expect. if I have time to mentally plan for them, bad things don’t really bother me. I’ve mentioned this to other intelligent people who ‘know me’ and they seem to agree.

it’s 2:20 in the morning and stormy outside. inside, though, I am the definition of calm. I am the jedi master. I am a singularity. I am zen itself.

on a scale of one to awesome, I’m pretty great–and the weekend has just begun.

I am the proud owner of a brand new pleasantly nice Kurt Halsey print AND a brand new pleasantly nice original Kurt Halsey drawing. AND I just consumed the world’s best fried egg sandwich.

mmm. sammitch.

now: you may not think so and you might be right, but I believe these events are sufficiently important to warrant their own post.

freedom, I got here too late.

this won’t match the standard I’ve set for myself because simply I’m just too tired now. I’m sorry for getting your hopes up and everything. I know I did. I’m intuitive like that. if I were a superhero I’d walk around with a big N on my chest and I’d be called N-tuitive boy.

but that’s not why I’m here.

RUM & COKE is why I’m here.

I think I put too much RUM in the glass. I don’t remember how much was in the glass when he stopped pouring. it couldn’t have been too much, otherwise my mates would have said ‘whoa there matt you’d better watch it’ but I don’t remember them saying that and now they’re gone so I can’t ask them. at any rate I filled the rest of the glass with COKE so the RUM was probably pretty diluted when all was said and done and poured.

I can’t find my nice fuzzy warm sweatshirt and it’s the time of night when evertyhing starts getting cold.

<liver> DAMN IT matt you’ve got to stop, give me a freaking vacation
<matt> YOU’LL TAKE WHAT I GIVE YOU AND YOU’LL PROCESS IT TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY
<liver> you’re the boss
<brain> matt, he has a point; I mean, even I find it hard to work in this low-oxygen environment. in fact all I can do is this:
<matt> qasoinfg;j WHOA BRAIN WHY IS THE ROOM SPINNING
<brain> lack of oxygen, man. it’s all I’m capable of
<kidneys> WE NEED OVERTIME PAY OR WE’RE GOING TO GO ON STRIKE
<matt> OKAY OKAY you organs everything will be okay, I’ll just drink this magic elixir and everything will return to normal, like it was yesterday
*matt drinks magic elixir
<brain> THAT’S THE STUFF
<liver> AAAAHH FAILURE IS IMMINENT
<kidneys> UNABLE TO KEEP UP WITH INPUT
<spleen> for chrissakes will you all keep it down? I’m trying to sleep and OH GOOD HEAVENS, WHAT AN INTERESTING SENSATION, I FEEL FUZZY
<matt> thank you magic elixir a.k.a. RUM AND COKE, you have ruined my evening but it feels so nice
<RUM AND COKE> BEHOLD MY MAGIC, I AM SIMULTANEOUSLY WARM AND COLD AND BUBBLY
<matt> in the best possible way.
<brain> this isn’t so bad I suppose, HEY I’VE GOT AN IDEA, LET’S POST TO HATELIFE!

‘hatelife.org – where teen angst, sad things and bad poetry come together to suck’
-scott (of front page fame), somewhere out in the pale false light of the interweb